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A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollllar jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.

He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.

When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:

Golf: $1.00.
Dinner: $1.00.
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00

Calling over to the manager, he asks, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?"

I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost."

"Well," said the man, "if I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!"

"That's right, sir, you could have," said the manager. "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls.

Golf Joke
	The Rules of Bedroom Golf: 1) Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. (Normally one club and two balls) 2) Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3) Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. 4)For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5) Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club as to avoid damage to the hole. 6) The object of the game is to make as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again. 7) It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well-formed bunkers. 8) Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason. 9) Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case. 10) Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course. 11) Players should not assume that a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely careful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. 12) Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine. 13) Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request. 14) It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match. 15) The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player. 16) Payment for membership is dependent upon the given course. Additional assessment may be levied by the course owner and the rules are subject to change. For this reason, many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.
	THE BASIC UNIVERSAL LAWS OF GOLF LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a life time. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor. LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire. LAW 8: Topping a 2-iron is the most painful torture known to man. LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls. LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you? LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse. LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent-or some similar combination. LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three) LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty. LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker." LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you. LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be. LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month. LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.
	Mulligan's Laws of Golf 1. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck. 2. The only thing you can learn from golf books is that you can't learn anything from golf books, but you have to read an awful lot of golf books to learn it. 3. since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three. 4. the only sure way to get a par is to leave a four-foot birdie putt two inches short of the hole. 5. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot put when you lie 10. 6. Whenever there is money riding on a hole, someone will appear riding on a mower. 7. It's often necessary to hit a second drive to really appreciate the first one. 8. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. 9. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as John Daly does, simply play to lay up just short of a water hazard. 10. If you leave your 2-iron at home, then your 3-iron will become impossible to hit; if you leave your 2- and 3- irons at home, your 4-iron will become impossible to hit. 11. When you select a club for a shot to the green, there are three possible outcomes: (1) It's the right club, but you change your mind. (2) It's the right club, but in the middle of your backswing you decide it's the wrong club so you hit it too hard or too easy. (3) It's the wrong club. 12. You really only need four clubs to hit every bad shot in golf. 13. The only time your ball ever bites is when it lands 30 feet short. 14. A ball hit to the wrong green will always land two feet from the hole. 15. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint. 16. No matter how early your tee time, there will always be a foursome in the middle of the first fairway.
	A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollllar jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees: Golf: $1.00. Dinner: $1.00. Room: $1.00. Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00 Calling over to the manager, he asks, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?" I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost." "Well," said the man, "if I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!" "That's right, sir, you could have," said the manager. "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls.
	A golfer set up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him. As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked "Are you a good golfer', to which the man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"
	The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said:" What are your golf clubs doing here"? He looked her right in the eye .... and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
	An octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play, but was told that there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play today. Finally, the assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked him how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80 year old said, "I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have, is getting out of sand traps." And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th, they were all even. The Pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and two-putt for a par. The old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green. Playing from the bunker he hit a high ball, which landed on the green and rolled into the cup. Birdie, match and all the money! The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap. He said: "nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?" Replied the octogenarian "I do, would you please give me a hand."
	A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word. She pauses, reflects, and then she says, well then, let it read "Fred Brown died." Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries. She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, "Fred Brown died: golf clubs for sale."
	A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor told her she needed more cardiovascular activity and recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week. A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor, "Please tell my husband." The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week. The 78-year-old husband replied, "Which days?" The doctor answered, "Monday, Tuesday, and Friday would be ideal." The husband said, "I can bring her on Monday, but on Tuesdays and Friday I golf, so she'll have to take the bus."
	A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor told her she needed more cardiovascular activity and recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week. A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor, "Please tell my husband." The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week. The 78-year-old husband replied, "Which days?" The doctor answered, "Monday, Tuesday, and Friday would be ideal." The husband said, "I can bring her on Monday, but on Tuesdays and Friday I golf, so she'll have to take the bus."